need another drink. this is the easiest way
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
