You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So drunk its hurt
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
PANTIES FOUND
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
