By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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