I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
