you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
