You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
