actually, I'm a sock model
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
