Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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