I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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