There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I smell stomach acid.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
