the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
