A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
