The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
