we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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