I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
