Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
