don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
