I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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