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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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