worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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