my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
