His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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