Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
