if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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