3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
