I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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