Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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