One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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