need another drink. this is the easiest way
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
