Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
