i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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