dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
