There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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