I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
