just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
