I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
