somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
