hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
