I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
