i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
