last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
