Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
