Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
