I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
