This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
