doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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