Betty ford says i'm here all night
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
