My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
