hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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