how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
