Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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