I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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