I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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